Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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