I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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