he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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