smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
