Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
