there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
