Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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