69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
