I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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