It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have fence marks all over my body
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
