I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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