Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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