I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
