brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
