even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
