turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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