i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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