Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
