I think I died a long time ago.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
