She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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