we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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