Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
A+ Viking dick
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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