I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
