i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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