the condom got lost in my hair
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
