Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
