when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
