It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just had sex on a roof
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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