I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
