i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
