But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
