Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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