My hair reeks of homosexuality.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
