I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
