im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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