A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
