dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
