how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
