how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Pooping to opera.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
