Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
