I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I need to stop coming to work sober
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
