They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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