Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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