You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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