The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
