I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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