party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
