you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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