A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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