just tell him i said nine months
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
