This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
