watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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